જોક્સ જંકશન...

સન્તા ઃ સ્વામીજી ઇન્સાન કો જબ ભી કોઈ પ્રોબ્લેમ હો તો ઉસે કહાં જાના ચાહિયે ?
સ્વામીજી ઃ કિસાન કે પાસ.
સન્તા ઃ કયુ ?
સ્વામીજી ઃ કયું કિ ઉસ કે પાસ ‘હલ’ હોતા હૈ !
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કરકસર=

કંજુસ દમડીલાલે જેવું છાપામાં વાંચ્યું કે ‘હવે ગેસના ભાવમાં ૨૫ ટકાનો વધારો થવાનો છે’....
- કે તરત જ એમણે ઘરના તમામ સભ્યોને બોલાવીને હુકમ કર્યો, ‘હવે કોઈએ વા-છૂટ કરવાની નથી ! ગેસ બચાવો !’
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લો-બજેટ ટાઇટલ=

જો ‘કાર્તિક, કોલિંગ કાર્તિક’ સાવ લો-બજેટ ફિલ્મી હોત તો એનું નામ શું હોત ?
‘કાર્તિક મિસ-કોલિંગ કાર્તિક’ !
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આજનો સુવિચાર=

પહેલું સુખ તે ‘જાતે નર્યા’
અને પહેલું દુઃખ તે ?...
...
...
ફેરા ફર્યા !
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૩૫ રનનો રેકોર્ડ=

એક ફેસ્ટિવલ મેચમાં સન્તા સચિનની જોડે બેટિંગ કરી રહ્યો હતો.
સન્તાના ૩૫ રન થઇ ગયા.
તરત જ એ બેટ ઉંચું કરીને, હેલ્મેટ કાઢીને, ઉછળી-કૂદીને, મુઠ્ઠી ઉગામીને નાચવા લાગ્યો.
સચિને પૂછયું ઃ ‘યાર, તારા ૫૦ રન નથી થયા, ૧૦૦ રન નથી થયા, છતાં આટલો કેમ કૂદે છે ?’
સન્તા કહે ‘તુમ કૈસે સમજોગે ? સિર્ફ ગ્રેજ્યુએટ લોગ સમજતે હૈં કિ ૩૫ કા આંકડા કયા હોતા હૈ !’
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લાઇન મારો !

લાઈન મારવાની ૩ રીતો છે.
(૧) પેન્સિલ વડે
(૨) પેન વડે
(૩) માર્કર વડે
તમને કઈ રીત પસંદ છે ?
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મસ્તીમાર દોસ્ત

અસલી મસ્તીમાર દોસ્તો કોને કહેવાય ?
એ લોકો મર્યા પછી નરકમાં જાય છે. અને એકબીજાને કહે છે ‘યાર, પેલા યમદૂતની વાઇને જોઈ ? શું આઇટમ છે યાર !’
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સમીકરણો

સ્માર્ટ નર + સ્માર્ટ નારી = અફેર જારી
બેવકૂફ નર + સ્માર્ટ નારી = જેબ ખાલી
સ્માર્ટ નર + બેવકૂફ નારી = પાંવ ભારી
બેવકૂફ નર + બેવકૂફ નારી + હો ગઈ શાદી !
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રે પસ્તાવો...

પ્રેમની કિંમત
હવે મને સમજાય છે
હૈયું મારું કેવું
બળી બળી જાય છે
હું બેઠો છું
એની જ સાથે, છતાં
જોયું ? મારી બેટી
એકલી એકલી જ
શીંગ ખાય છે !
* * *

અંજામ-એ-ઈશ્ક

ઇશ્ક મેં યે કૈસા
અંજામ પાયા હૈ...
હાથ-પૈર તૂટે હૈં
મુંહ સે ખૂન આયા હૈ...
હોસ્પિટલ પહુંચે તો
નર્સને ફરમાયા હૈ...
બહારોં ફૂલ બરસાઓ
કિસી કા મહેબૂબ આયા હૈ !
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રહસ્યમય પ્રેમિકા

ના જાને વો હમ સે
કયા છૂપાતી થી
કુછ થા ઉસ કે હોઠોં પે
મગર વો શરમાતી થી
જબ હમ ને મુંહ
ખુલવા કે દેખા તો...
સાલી ‘માનિકચંદ’ ખાતી થી !
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નવી ખરીદી

સન્તા ઃ કલ મૈં નયા કલર ટીવી લાયા..
બન્તા ઃ અચ્છા ? કૌન સે કલર કા ?
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નવો લોચો

અર્ઝ કિયા હૈ...
આંખો મેં નમી થી
વિટામીન કી કમી થી
જીન સે મોબાઈલ પે
સારી રાત બાત કી
વો તો મેરી ગર્લફ્રેન્ડ કી મમ્મી થી !
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ONE IN ENGLISH

Kid & Mom, Who is God ?
Mom & God is neither Male, nor female, niether child, nor adult, niether black, nor white, but loves children very much.
Kid & Oh ! MICHAEL JACK SON !

 

RAJ

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Harivansh Rai Bachchan's Hindi PoeM

जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला
कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ
जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला।
जिस दिन मेरी चेतना जगी मैंने देखा
मैं खड़ा हुआ हूँ इस दुनिया के मेले में,
हर एक यहाँ पर एक भुलाने में भूला
हर एक लगा है अपनी अपनी दे-ले में
कुछ देर रहा हक्का-बक्का, भौचक्का-सा,
आ गया कहाँ, क्या करूँ यहाँ, जाऊँ किस जा?
फिर एक तरफ से आया ही तो धक्का-सा
मैंने भी बहना शुरू किया उस रेले में,
क्या बाहर की ठेला-पेली ही कुछ कम थी,
जो भीतर भी भावों का ऊहापोह मचा,
जो किया, उसी को करने की मजबूरी थी,
जो कहा, वही मन के अंदर से उबल चला,
जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला
कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ
जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला।
मेला जितना भड़कीला रंग-रंगीला था,
मानस के अन्दर उतनी ही कमज़ोरी थी,
जितना ज़्यादा संचित करने की ख़्वाहिश थी,
उतनी ही छोटी अपने कर की झोरी थी,
जितनी ही बिरमे रहने की थी अभिलाषा,
उतना ही रेले तेज ढकेले जाते थे,
क्रय-विक्रय तो ठण्ढे दिल से हो सकता है,
यह तो भागा-भागी की छीना-छोरी थी;
अब मुझसे पूछा जाता है क्या बतलाऊँ
क्या मान अकिंचन बिखराता पथ पर आया,
वह कौन रतन अनमोल मिला ऐसा मुझको,
जिस पर अपना मन प्राण निछावर कर आया,
यह थी तकदीरी बात मुझे गुण दोष न दो
जिसको समझा था सोना, वह मिट्टी निकली,
जिसको समझा था आँसू, वह मोती निकला।
जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला
कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ
जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला।
मैं कितना ही भूलूँ, भटकूँ या भरमाऊँ,
है एक कहीं मंज़िल जो मुझे बुलाती है,
कितने ही मेरे पाँव पड़े ऊँचे-नीचे,
प्रतिपल वह मेरे पास चली ही आती है,
मुझ पर विधि का आभार बहुत-सी बातों का।
पर मैं कृतज्ञ उसका इस पर सबसे ज़्यादा -
नभ ओले बरसाए, धरती शोले उगले,
अनवरत समय की चक्की चलती जाती है,
मैं जहाँ खड़ा था कल उस थल पर आज नहीं,
कल इसी जगह पर पाना मुझको मुश्किल है,
ले मापदंड जिसको परिवर्तित कर देतीं
केवल छूकर ही देश-काल की सीमाएँ
जग दे मुझपर फैसला उसे जैसा भाए
लेकिन मैं तो बेरोक सफ़र में जीवन के
इस एक और पहलू से होकर निकल चला।
जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला
कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ
जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला।

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History of Holi

Holi is an ancient festival of India and was originally known as 'Holika'. The festivals finds a detailed description in early religious works such as Jaimini's Purvamimamsa-Sutras and Kathaka-Grhya-Sutras. Historians also believe that Holi was celebrated by all Aryans but more so in the Eastern part of India.

It is said that Holi existed several centuries before Christ. However, the meaning of the festival is believed to have changed over the years. Earlier it was a special rite performed by married women for the happiness and well-being of their families and the full moon (Raka) was worshiped.

Calculating the Day of Holi
There are two ways of reckoning a lunar month- 'purnimanta' and 'amanta'. In the former, the first day starts after the full moon; and in the latter, after the new moon. Though the amanta reckoning is more common now, the purnimanta was very much in vogue in the earlier days.

According to this purnimanta reckoning, Phalguna purnima was the last day of the year and the new year heralding the Vasanta-ritu (with spring starting from next day). Thus the full moon festival of Holika gradually became a festival of merrymaking, announcing the commencement of the spring season. This perhaps explains the other names of this festival - Vasanta-Mahotsava and Kama-Mahotsava.

Reference in Ancient Texts and Inscriptions
Besides having a detailed description in the Vedas and Puranas such as Narad Purana and Bhavishya Purana, the festival of Holi finds a mention in Jaimini Mimansa. A stone incription belonging to 300 BC found at Ramgarh in the province of Vindhya has mention of Holikotsav on it. King Harsha, too has mentioned about holikotsav in his work Ratnavali that was written during the 7th century.

The famous Muslim tourist - Ulbaruni too has mentioned about holikotsav in his historical memories. Other Muslim writers of that period have mentioned, that holikotsav were not only celebrated by the Hindus but also by the Muslims.

Reference in Ancient Paintings and Murals
The festival of Holi also finds a reference in the sculptures on walls of old temples. A 16th century panel sculpted in a temple at Hampi, capital of Vijayanagar, shows a joyous scene of Holi. The painting depicts a Prince and his Princess standing amidst maids waiting with syringes or pichkaris to drench the Royal couple in coloured water.

A 16th century Ahmednagar painting is on the theme of Vasanta Ragini - spring song or music. It shows a royal couple sitting on a grand swing, while maidens are playing music and spraying colors with pichkaris.

There are a lot of other paintings and murals in the temples of medieval India which provide a pictoral description of Holi. For instance, a Mewar painting (circa 1755) shows the Maharana with his courtiers. While the ruler is bestowing gifts on some people, a merry dance is on, and in the center is a tank filled with colored water. Also, a Bundi miniature shows a king seated on a tusker and from a balcony above some damsels are showering gulal (colored powders) on him.

Legends and Mythology

In some parts of India, specially in Bengal and Orissa, Holi Purnima is also celebrated as the birthday of Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu (A.D. 1486-1533). However, the literal meaning of the word 'Holi' is 'burning'. There are various legends to explain the meaning of this word, most prominent of all is the legend associated with demon king Hiranyakashyap.

Hiranyakashyap wanted everybody in his kingdom to worship only him but to his great disappointment, his son, Prahlad became an ardent devotee of Lord Naarayana. Hiaranyakashyap commanded his sister, Holika to enter a blazing fire with Prahlad in her lap. Holika had a boon whereby she could enter fire without any damage on herself. However, she was not aware that the boon worked only when she enters the fire alone. As a result she paid a price for her sinister desires, while Prahlad was saved by the grace of the god for his extreme devotion. The festival, therefore, celebrates the victory of good over evil and also the triumph of devotion.

Legend of Lord Krishna is also associated with play with colors as the Lord started the tradition of play with colours by applying colour on his beloved Radha and other gopis. Gradually, the play gained popularity with the people and became a tradition.

There are also a few other legends associated with the festival - like the legend of Shiva and Kaamadeva and those of Ogress Dhundhi and Pootana. All depict triumph of good over evil - lending a philosophy to the festival.

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About Holi

                  Duwadashi or the twelfth day of the waxing moon in Phalgun marks the beginning of the festive season of Holi. People start preparing for the festive season with high spirits and mothers stitch new dresses for their daughters who are married following an age-old custom. Gulals and powders of various colors are bought. Pichkaris or long syringes and water balloons are filled with these colors.

‘Rang Pashi’ marks the advent of Holi into the houses, three days prior to the full moon. In the evenings, families gather around to carry out the formal occasion of sprinkling colors. Colored powders and colored water in a “lota” are arranged on a thali. Beforehand the “kul purohit” initiated the celebrations of Holi. The eldest male member of the family now-a-days performs this duty by sprinkling colored powders and water on every member of the family. The younger members perform the same in turn. Love and blessings are thus shared by all family members. The festivities for the day end with the intake of special food items- gujjia, kanji ke vade, papri and kofta curry. Drinks before meal is a must.

Holika is being burnt on the next day called “Puno”. It is burnt following the legendary story of Prahlad and his reverence to Lord Vishnu. Large bonfires are made all over the place and people gather around the fire to enjoy singing and dancing. Roasted bundles of wheat and green gram are eaten.

On the third day called “Parva”, families and friends along with children gather on the roads and colored powders are spread all over the place. Faces and the bodies of the people get smeared with gulal and colored powders. Colored water filled pichkaris are spouted onto the people. Water balloons are thrown at friends and neighbors and mud baths are prepared expressing the spirit of fun. Feet of the elders are touched with gulal to pay them respect. Drum beatings and Holi songs are heard everywhere. The festival of colors is free of any worship. The faces and feet of the gods, especially of Krishna and Radha are smeared with gulal at the starting of the festivities.
Some old-fashioned customs are attached to Holi. Sons-in-law are invited for compulsory meals after which “pyala”, ranging from rupees five to five hundred and a glass of drink are presented. Mothers-in-law gift “kothli” to their daughters-in-law. An interesting custom is to some how lock the parents-in-law in a room by a new bride who releases them only after receiving a gift.

Holi, celebrated all over the country with passion and fervor, is the time to spread love, joy and brightness among all. Phalgun in Spring marks the advent of warmth in new life as Spring is the time to revitalize and Holi brings colors into everybody’s life. During holi, people wear new traditional clothes. “Dandia” is a white cotton saree gifted to married women by their mothers. Mothers also gift new clothes to their children. Men and women love to dress themselves in white during Holi, to display the bright contrasting colors.

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Holi SMS

The festival of colour displays our unity in diversity and people use to exchange greetings before and post Holi. And for this purpose, Holi SMS is an easiest way to greet far away relatives and friends.

There are several website are available on Internet equipped with Holi SMS.

Here are few Holi SMS given below.


Bright colors, water balloons, lavish gujiyas and melodious songs are the ingredients of perfect Holi. Wish you a very happy and wonderful Holi.

May God gift you all the colors of life, colors of joy, colors of happiness, colors of friendship, colors of love and all other colors you want to paint in your life. Happy Holi.


A true and caring relation doesn't have to speak loud, a soft sms is just enough to express the heartiest feelings. Enjoy the festival of Holi with lot of fun.

Saade rang ko galti se aap naa kora samjho,  
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.

Lal, gulabi, neela, pila hathon me liya samet,
Holi ke din rangenge sajni, kar ke meethi bhent.

Pichkari ki Dhar,
Gulal ki bauchar,
Apno ka pyar,
Yahi hai yaaron holi ka tyohar.

Rangon se bhi rangeen zindagi hai humari, rangeeli rahe yeh bandagi hai humari,
kabhi na bigde ye pyar ki rangoli, aye mere yaar aisi HAPPY HOLI.

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Holi - the festival of colors

Holi - the festival of colors - is undoubtedly the most fun-filled and boisterous of Hindu festival. It's an occasion that brings in unadulterated joy and mirth, fun and play, music and dance, and, of course, lots of bright colors!

Happy Days Are Here Again!
With winter neatly tucked up in the attic, it's time to come out of our cocoons and enjoy this spring festival. Every year it is celebrated on the day after the full moon in early March and glorifies good harvest and fertility of the land. It is also time for spring harvest. The new crop refills the stores in every household and perhaps such abundance accounts for the riotous merriment during Holi. This also explains the other names of this celebration - 'Vasant Mahotsava' and 'Kama Mahotsava'.

"Don't Mind, It's Holi!"
During Holi, practices, which at other times could be offensive, are allowed. Squirting colored water on passers-by, dunking friends in mud pool amidst teasing and laughter, getting intoxicated on bhaang and reveling with companions is perfectly acceptable. In fact, on the days of Holi, you can get away with almost anything by saying, "Don't mind, it's Holi!" (Hindi = Bura na mano, Holi hai.)
 
The Festive License!
Women, especially, enjoy the freedom of relaxed rules and sometimes join in the merriment rather aggressively. There is also much vulgar behavior connected with phallic themes. It is a time when pollution is not important, a time for license and obscenity in place of the usual societal and caste restrictions. In a way, Holi is a means for the people to ventilate their 'latent heat' and experience strange physical relaxations.

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